You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
