Me too!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
