hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
