How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
