Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
