Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
