Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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