One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
