Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone came in the potted fern
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
