It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
