Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
BRING THE BAGELS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
