Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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