i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
