You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
