He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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