I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
