did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
