I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
