K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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