come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize