Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
