Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
