Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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