On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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