I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize