babies were throwing up all over the place
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
