you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
