two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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