my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
