Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
