I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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