If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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