census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
