she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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