So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mom said you looked used
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
