i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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