So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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