On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
