Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
