I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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