weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
