This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
