I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
