508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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