I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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