Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
