Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
