it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize