I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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