so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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