also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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