Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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