either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
