no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
