you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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