im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
