Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND