she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now