I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me