It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?