i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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