Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?